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Sunday, February 27, 2011

Transparently inadequate

I have started about 5 posts…none deemed good enough for publication. Then I ask, what does “good enough” mean anyway? This one is for sure not “good enough” for publication.

I want to write about two related (unrelated) issues. First, it is my desire to live a congruent, transparent life, but I am so far from that aspiration. Secondly, I often feel as though I am falling short.

I am going through some chaotic issues in my own life. At some level I want to share these with everyone, I want to be heard, yet at another level the possibility or being misunderstood, or judged, keeps me from being 100% open. What does a transparent life look like?

Related to this, these chaotic issues are probably affect my teaching and participation in other activities. I am slow at grading and getting students feedback; I always have a long list of “to do’s” for my committee work and joint research. I could blame these shortcomings on my chaotic life, or I could just say that I am completely incompetent. The reason isn’t really the point. The point is that I feel as though I am often falling short. Does everyone feel this? Is it a feminine characteristic?


  1. Falling short is a decent description of my life. I have many fronts where I'm falling short. Fortunately, I don't have all of the university responsibilities that you have-that list intimidates me. As I focus on one aspect of my life, others fall by the wayside leaving a trail of chaos, nothing done well. I seem to do just enough so I can move on. It's a little frustrating. We should have a grading party-

  2. I too wonder if it is a feminine trait. I feel it too.

  3. What's weird about your feeling of incompetence is that you're so the opposite of that, as evidenced by the impressive gleaning project presented by your students. I am puzzled by why I too often feel a disconnect between what others perceive as competence in abilities and in what I perceive as competence.